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Parental Wisdom: Never tell the truth to anyone but your parents
Posted by: Rebekah Pot ... Rebekah Pothaar's Posts
Post time: 10-Jul-2009  13:06
Blogs, Arts & Culture, Dangers & Annoyances, Social, Politics, Opinion, Living in China, Law & Legal Issues


Sometimes you realize that there may be fundamental differences between Western and Chinese perspectives on "honesty".  One of my favorite examples of these different approaches to truth-telling was when a Chinese friend of mine told me that his parents instructed him as a child not to be "too honest."

Shocked, I asked for clarification, "wait a minute, your parents TOLD you to lie?"

"They told me not to be too honest to other people because if I was too honest, people would take advantage of me. My parents told me to always tell them the truth, but not to be too honest with other people."

I was surprised to hear this of course, because it so contrasted with what my parents told me, "Never lie, always tell the truth." Which, it must be said, made me a person who really can't lie well at all, which has its own drawbacks in the real world. I can't play poker, it's very difficult for me to call in "sick" and if I don't like you, you know it.

At any rate, I thought what my friend had said was just something for his family, but after reading a post today by David Dayton of Silk Road International, I realized that this was (perhaps??) a more widespread Chinese ideology on the nature of truth and lies.

From David Dayton:

When I was teaching at a university in Chongqing in '95 I had a student say something to me that I will never forget, "at least, well, I haven't forgotten it yet." She told me that when she was young she had the bad habit of telling the truth.


After getting both herself and her family in trouble a number of times her father sternly taught her this lesson, "Never tell the truth to anyone but your parents."


This was one of my first major lessons about how different China really is. There is no "moral code" no "generally accepted morality." Not even an overly trite "Confucian values" system in place here, really. I believe that one of the lasting legacies of the current government will be that they amoralized an entire country. I'm not talking about the vilification of organized religion I'm talking about the creation of a system that punishes honesty." Read on...

 

[Last edited by Rebekah Pothaar on 14-Jul-2009  10:53]

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Post by: Rebekah Po ...  Time: 10-Jul-2009  15:59
@ corrupted, you say: "so your friend's parents might have a different theory but that doesn't apply to other Chinese parents." David Dayton's article proves that it does apply to some other Chinese parents too, not just my friend's parents, but as you say, of course it doesn't apply to all. All parents don't raise their children with exactly the same values, obviously, and China is a big country to generalize about.

When I read David's article, I was surprised at how close it was to exactly what my friend had told me about his parents, that is why I posted this. My friend's father works for the government of China. He is from a good family too.

This post is not suggesting that all Chinese parents tell their kids to lie. But some do and the point is that these parents love their kids and are trying to protect them by teaching them not to be taken advantage of by using too much of the truth--which they have grown to perceive as dangerous and that is the interesting part of the story. Truth being dangerous is definitely an ideology in present-day China, hence censorship.
Post by: greenislan ...  Time: 26-Jul-2009  14:06
Believe me. The good thing is common everywhere in this planet including honest y, courage and responsibility. There are always some people unwise.